it is a real pity those NICE girls i know always get cheated by their boyfriends or just get completely controlled by their boyfriends! pity sia and the best thing is they do not learn from the hurt


then more sad is those SHIT girls get damn nice boyfriends -_- ..... at least that guy knows and learns from his mistake....

whole week keep telling those girls how sarky their boyfriends are and stuff, tell me they think what i say is right, end up next day say i think i wanna follow what he say! -_-""





no poetry! feeling numb as hell emotionally

The Bloody Affection

Blood haze comes with
Alcohol drenched blood
Glaring bloodshot eyes
Tears drip as blood

Slits of wounds...spilling
pounding of beats in wrists
bobbled, troubled, sinister
Choked by thy blood

Pain no more! Weep no more!
Adore turned to friendship
Gleefully accept for self-affliction
Love..bleeding..bleeding and bleeding

-cj







weeeee i am not her close friend.... not bad eh! all the best princess >_< and may u find his true self what u really want in a guy (:

100% can promote...so? good education -> good job/career -> big bucks
no girl to truly love or care for all those seem so meaningless, just take care of parents to their death then i can die also =/



i have seen death of someone hated, death of someone i do not know of.... but not death of a loved one, that day draws nearer, too much emotions inside, i also dunno how i feel... holidays already, make sure go back see her, most probably 1 last time... T-T


enough of rantings about death, next is about me trying to truly care again... diffcult! i guess she really needs more time to get herself up... i still care for u! princess :p




Death looms overhead
Overwhelmed by darkness
As i groped around blinded
Only that other ray of light
Can bring me out of this, to
Love again, hate inclusive


-cj

for the past few weeks i keep getting the same response of, 'You love and care for her too much.'
guess wut i did? i just scoffed at them and told them to mind their own business


still i wonder, was i too harsh on her a few moments ago? i seriously appreciate her not leaving me in the dark and telling me what she feels and such, maybe i am not for her, a useless guy who rely sooo much on the girl he cares and spoils her too much...... and what she wants, the other guy can give her


for weeks i kept wishing i could hug her, yet she found solace, safety and security in the arms of another, i am something to her but definitely not the kind of something i want..... guess i wasnt meant to love or truly care for another person..... back to the old cj again i guess (: and continue to hug my smelly teddy bear for life




of course i am in totally 0 mood to write a poem so i just lift from one of my favourite poets ... William Blake




Never seek to tell thy love

Never seek to tell thy love,

Love that never told can be;

For the gentle wind does move,

Silently, invisibly.

I told my love, I told my love,

I told her all my heart;

Trembling, cold, in ghastly fears,

Ah! she doth depart.

Soon as she was gone from me,

A traveller came by,

Silently, invisibly;

He took her with a sigh.

-William Blake

i guess i will just treat vanny as a sister and just completely stop loving her anymore, just give her care

and as for my princess, wholeheartedly love her =)




Do not despair dear,
for I am always near
and will erase your fear,
for my love is ever clear


-cj



ok princess say sleep so i koon! cannot defy her XD

this is for my princess... and yea i should start putting vanny aside and just care for only for the princess



It is so easy to condemn
blinded by lies, they
understood things, only barely

Little they know of their
Twisted minds, corrupted
till they wilt their souls...surely

Your purity, tainted by them
no matter..I still tenderly care
past never mattered, absolutely

As I dream of the care slowly
turning to love....mutually


-cj





just know that no matter what you are or what you may become, i will care for you...for as long as my deprived soul allows

it seems like ages since i felt such tenderness and care towards another person
i really cannot describe how great it felt, it is like a part of your heart which was dead long time ago..becomes alive again


I held her cold hands firmly
beneath that cold was warmth
as long frozen memories surged
softened this cold hard heart

Laid my head on hers
smooth and silky to feel
as i withdrew quickly
fear i could hurt that soul

Her gaze and my eyes connected
had so much to say...yet speechless
as i darted my eyes from that angel
cursed myself for being unable to mention

No other can take your place in me
these emotions too overwhelming
fearing my words could hurt gravely
as i let silence devour me from within

-cj




pain kills
silence kills
sadness kills
memories kills
yet fear of hurting you overrides it all

i just sat down and like kinda think over how much i cared for that princess =/
it is like theres a void in you, and you so desperately wanna fill it up and when u found the one who can fills it up for you, the sad thing is she only knows you this much and isn't able to return any love or care back...... well i guess being born with pain blessed to me, I just get pain of all sorts, physical pain is a piece of cake to overcome.... but then


emotional pain i doubt i have even have that little ability to overcome it at all.... with the incoming death of vanny, that yearn to fill up that void becomes so strong... i just hope a rejection do not drag me down to the ends of darkness..seeing nothing but despair, what a meaningless life if that happens... i dunt wanna force her to love me too, i just wanna make her feel special and loved..most importantly by her own choice not because on how i will feel or anything. All i want in a relationship is for the girl to feel like a true princess and my own feelings are like off little concern.... all i can do is hope and wish that if she rejects me, time will be on my side and never let that rejection coincide with the passing of vanny

of course i hope and yearns for the best =) no doubt vanny must pass and go but that princess must really be willing and happy to enter the relationship with me because she wants to... not be what will happen to me if she does not.. as i said, her happiness is utmost priority, mine is just secondary...


well.. everyday i am listening to dark music.. for no reason, just that when i listen to such music confirm i have some extreme emotions inside.... what emotions? i myself do not even know! ok! poetry to unleash these words in me!





Traitor! Yes you time

Death itself looms overhead
grinning wide its servant glides
with that sick, perverted goal
death itself promises only certainty

As those afflicted charged head on with death
only the thought they had for loved ones
made that battle impossible
as they anguished and suffered as death looms ahead

Never resisted the thought of an eternal link
but the truth of death burns with such clarity
could not bare to hurt or lie to her further
but to listen to her every command

Find another bond with another she said
-How BRAVE and strong you are!
grief and pain overwhelmed that little soul
gritting all of it i gladly accepted

Was like a lifetime.... found another
cared her of, using the best of ability
fearing she was treated as a replacement
made sure she was unique and special

Certain I was, she was the one...absolute
As time betrayed me yet again and again

-cj



hmm weirdly i dunt really feel better T-T instead more pain, reality is and will always be a pain, like knife to the heart

why is it so easy to destroy, condemn and hate?

yet to care, to love, to feel the pain and share your happiness with someone you love so disgustingly difficult... again i blame on you Time, many a time you have betrayed and killed me over and over.. yet i will never understand your motives.. for that i salute you Time

finally after nearly a year of rot i finally found and reignited my lost and dormant side of me, of the darkness! yes it is back! and yea thanks raine law u are like a needle in a haystack

a quote from her!
'she drinks to keep her soul alive'
omg soooo true!


i cant but just kek a poem out... guess it sucks but yea!
i like it~!





When Darkness falls
fell upon the world
as it fought with Light

Cruel yet merciful
distinct without prominence
crested within thy soul

Discarded like trash
feared like the devil
from it we began our lives

scorch thy eyes for true sight, for
Light never existed without Darkness

-cj






and yea thanks to thy princess for giving me that chance to fill that void in me <3

omg my BD just ended T-T
it's good actually no more ganking and tao pok till whole body all tha blue black!
and had loads of booze! dunno how much we spammed and wasted O.o

i hated jc since like when i got posted but overall i guess i did find like 3 friends good enough to be close..... guess my assumption of jc/poly/ite cannot get close friends at all was wrong lmao
good enough! but jc ar... really a place of backstabbing and saving-your-own-ass shit to do


anyways WoW wise i am a slacker! raid in silly specs..respec like theres no tomorrow fool around in raid and heres a SS btw! its A'lar omg so nice!



next A'lar pic!


pheonix so nice!



anyways as a single nubsauce... i will always be LF for that girl! O.o guess wut! i found a girl that the attitude i love alot :p my PRECIOUS EGYPTIAN PRINCESS XD

she go suspect i like her so i tell her i like her lor lmao!
me so nub! then go out with her twice nia and the thing is go out with her more...like her more! i wonder is good or bad? O.o

and yea! i like to get bished and scratched by her... i so sadistic! :o