i remember the nights
so serene and tranquil
seeing you sleep by my side
at peace with such beauty

lying so close to you
feeling your heart beating
breathing your breath
eternal bliss ensures

with you beside me
every treasured moment
i never sleep but watch you do
dreaming my sweetest dreams

but you are gone, far from me
i miss all the kisses we had
all i needed this life was you

in my craze to not miss a single thing from you
in pride and downs i simply missed you as a whole

when i told u i didnt harbour any hope to get u back
i was lying
when u said vanny wasnt real
i died a little inside
when u said i lied to u and the relationship was based on a lie
i saw only hopelessness
when u told me u never enjoyed any of our intimate times together
i felt useless
it was only when u said that u threw thumper away and deleted ur birthday post off ur blog
that i felt
all my love for u shattered right before me for i had always thought that day was ur happiest with me
but to let u know i really truly loved u with all my heart everything i did i did with your best interests at heart
and i know u see all these only as lies

here comes May a month I desired
was a month just a month
nothing special to me at all really
just a month to keep you close again

----or i had thought

just like a roller coaster we are now
in the lowest of lows, no strength to even climb
like a hermit crab without its shell
I'm much more crippled than you can see

the decision you make, you sure it's yours
alone made in the cold dark without any
cruel, jealous or hell even zealous outside intentions
your words say otherwise but your actions said so

----did you?

if it was yours, I wouldn't be dreaming of you anymore
no more nightmares and just the happy go lucky me
had my assurances worked, or did some deprived whore
make you ponder and doubt me like so now

----must you?

I believe we all want something with a selfish intent
no matter how righteous the call is or was
I will tell you what my selfish intent is with you
with you I get the freedom and support to do crazed things others would scream no

----What about you?

you may feel sorry for the hurt I eat these days
you say you need to think for yourself
look what have you become, the very thing you formerly hated
but the greatest hurt I feel is seeing you misguided to doom

----you really do

well it is said a whore will bring her friends into whoring
by scaring them of the horrors of being whored
can't you see? I do not need you to come back
just stay back from being turned whoring

----you have to

you breathe life to this heart and it ain't black and dead anymore
I do wish of course to repay my savior in price return
I do hope you understand me for the whore knows much
very much about the language thy use here

----i thank you

now just give me the strength I once had
the vengeance the sadistic the cruelty
revert this living heart back to death
so my hands may go around sweet pulsing neck of hers

----return me this....right now